She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Randomize