his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
