Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
