dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize