Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
