Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Randomize
