Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
