Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
