Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Randomize
