Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
