i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
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