Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
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