Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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