I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
