We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
