Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize