The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
