woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
MIDGETS
????
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Randomize
