I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I wish you could order shots online.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
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