It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Randomize
