remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize