AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
