It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize