You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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