I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
