i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
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