brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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