he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
