I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
