Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
