GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize