So drunk its hurt
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
