I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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