walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
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