i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
