would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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