tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Randomize
