I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
