Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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