Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Randomize
