your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
