okay pat passed out under dana's car
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
