i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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