Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
When did angry sex become our thing?
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
