We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
