just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Randomize
