I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Farmville is her only friend.
this just has baby written all over it
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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