I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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