Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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