ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
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