when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
