please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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