The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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