well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
