dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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