my soul wont recognize me after tonight
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize
