The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
