now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
