I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Randomize
