hell yes lets make some ravioli
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You took a bar mat shot.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
