I feel like abortions should bother me more
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
