That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
how can u be prego again
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
