Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
