I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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