so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
