So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
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