roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
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