I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
