I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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