There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Randomize
