my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
