I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
