Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
this boner is exhausting
i used baking grease as lip gloss
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
MIDGETS
????
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
