i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
We're facebook friends in real life
She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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