New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
