I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
