Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
I deserve this hangover.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
