You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I need to align my fucking chakras
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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