it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
