I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
