the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
