..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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