On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
