Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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