all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
