used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
