I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
