If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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