2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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