To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Randomize
