I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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