just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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