I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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