Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
