Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
Randomize
