This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
