Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
